The Part No-one Talks About: Your Twilight Zone. No Longer a Caterpillar, Not yet a Butterfly.
The twilight zone : when you long for a transformation but you feel stuck in a tunnel and can’t see the light at the end. You might not even know you who are anymore or where you are going, but this is not the end of you it, is the making of you and a re-birth. These are growing pains and it’s easy to overlook that they happen in adulthood. What most people - therapists, coaches and so forth - fail to explain at this point is that the tunnel is the beginning of something better.
By embracing the darkness you can navigate the twilight zone of transformation. As tough as this is, this is only the end of the old you, it is only the breakdown of the parts of you that no longer serve you well. The disruption is the transformation. Yes it’s dark, and can be lonely, and it’s easy to think you’ll never get out to the light, but it is a growth phase and by identifying it - becoming conscious of it - you can make it a better experience.
True personal growth has a cocoon stage - introspection - in which you get to have a lot of time with yourself, with all aspects of yourself, and at times you wonder how the hell you’re going to get out of it and ditch the parts you no longer want. Maybe you’ve reached out for therapy or identified the changes you’re seeking. This is where the journey takes a detour into uncertainty, where the old self is being shed and the new self has yet to fully emerge. As when dusk transitions to night, this phase can be unsettling, but it's in these shadows that the most significant growth occurs. It’s within the introspection stage that we get to address our own shadow side, this is where the work really happens, and the cocoon is there to prevent you running from it. You’re not going to break free with new wings until you’ve done the work and are completely ready. I might even suggest that it’s a training stage, and one that you’ve been gearing up to all your life. You can do it for sure!
The question is - What are you training for? What are you growing? Wings of course. Wings to fly out of the cocoon. Getting out might be a bit sticky, but you’re going to be out when you’re ready. And you will be ready before you know it, for this is only a cycle.
Remember, the caterpillar within the cocoon doesn't transform overnight into a butterfly. Inside the chrysalis, several things are happening and it is not a resting stage. The caterpillar's old body changes inside the chrysalis and a new body with wings appears. It takes time for the cells to rearrange, for wings to form. Similarly, during your personal growth stage, allow the discomfort and effort to be a testament to your progress. Each challenge addressed signifies your evolution.
Here are a few ways to navigate this twilight zone :
Keep-Going: Even if you’re going at a snails pace with your efforts to transform, every step gets you closer and is part of the transformation. It’s normal to slow down at points and important to stop to rest. By bringing awareness to your ability to keep moving forward after a rest, no matter how slowly, you will build confidence. Within this confidence to continue, you will build resilience and begin to grasp the temporary nature of darkness, and most importantly the control you have over it because that control stems from your mind, and we have control over that.
Reconfirm with yourself ‘‘I am making positive changes and am moving forward”
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness. Become aware of your self-talk and personal narrative. Understand that the discomfort is temporary and a sign of positive change. Spend time journalling, meditating and asking yourself what your ideal healthy life looks like and how this would play out on a daily basis.
Ask yourself - How can I begin to honour this ideal life and bring it to existence by practicing forms of self-compassion?
Mindfulness: Practice being present with your emotions. Acknowledge them without judgment, allowing them to ebb and flow. Don’t become the emotions but identify them and watch it pass. Learn to work with them Reach deep into your emotions and sit with them, mediate on them, journal and bring awareness to what they are actually about.
Ask yourself - What aspects of the old you are asking to be released in the form of emotional transformation?
Patience: Transformation is a process, not an event. Give yourself the time needed to adapt and flourish. Also the space needed, and the correct environments and people. It is difficult to put a deadline on emotional healing and processing because experiences, and the understanding of your life, happens in it’s own time - at the right time - and always when you’re working on bringing deeper awareness into your life.
Ask yourself - what parts of my life need to be nurtured in order to grow?
Seek Support: Connect with good friends, mentors, or therapists who can provide guidance and reassurance during this phase. Perhaps you start out with some CBT therapy to train your mind, and this drops you into your heart space which opens up your spiritual needs and your connected energetic body and intuition. This is where things get really exciting as you begin to understand connection, purpose and meaning more clearly. This is where you master the ebb and flow of emotions and learn to quite literally ride the waves.
Reconfirm leanings with yourself at least once daily when you face an emotional challenge : “ I am learning to ride the emotional waves and I’m on top of this one!”
Celebrate Progress: Even the smallest victories deserve recognition. Each step forward, no matter how hesitant, is a stride towards your new self. If your folks have put your graduation photo in a gold frame, just think of the more relevant and challenging periods of learning in your life that you’ve maybe not yet acknowledged or celebrated. So let’s break the cycle for the next generations and acknowledge the twilight zone. Celebrate openly the immense amount of growth and development happening during all phases of life.
Ask yourself ‘What difficult phases of life did I get through and what were my greatest learnings and my biggest strengths"?”
