The Dance Mom effect : staying sane in new social cultures

I’ve spent over twenty years in aggressive female environments. The Devil Wears Prada world of fashion media sometimes felt like The Godfather. Before that I grew up in the actual hood. Power games. Rank. Silence. Looks that cut. I learned early how to read rooms and how to stay soft without being stupid.

But when my body reacted the moment I walked into the new arena of a dance competition with my son, I noticed — and then ignored the most in my face female ive ever met. That’s the part that matters.

It started with staring. Not curiosity. Measurement and attempted intimidation. Anyone who’s lived inside hierarchy knows that look. I clocked it instantly and kept my composure.

Then it escalated.

She backed into me deliberately, out of sight of the host, planted her foot on me, forced my attention. A physical move dressed up as accident. An attempt to intimidate and reassert position because the attention in the room had shifted to me and she wanted info, and to get her position across to me as a ‘friend of the host’. It was crude. Transparent. Ineffective.

She’d underestimated my intellect.
And that always costs people.

But this isn’t really about her.

The insight : she thought I was alone.

I’d arrived late. I wasn’t standing with my people yet. I was visible without context, attention landing on me by accident. And for a moment, I looked like a straggler.

A lion doesn’t go after a pack. It goes after the small one at the back on its own.

That’s the misread.

When my pack appeared, her behaviour changed from aggression to dismissive open verbal rudeness. A shift in positioning. Context changed.

That’s the real lesson.

Visibility without anchoring invites testing. Not because all people are bad, but because social spaces run on instinct, not intention.

And this is where women go wrong: we override the signal instead of reading it. We tell ourselves it’s fine, we can handle it, we’re being mature. Meanwhile, the body is already sending the memo.

Self-respect isn’t loud.
It’s positional.

Know where you stand.
Know who you’re standing with.
And when you feel the signal — trust it the first time.