Lets Talk about Clutter: why clearing your emotional space is as important as organising your home
It’s said that most people, especially couples, struggle to talk about money. Not me! I’ve spent over 20 years in advertising sales environments and revenue strategy in glossy magazine brands. Plus money is an energy and it’s important to be able to healthily manage that energy, which often comes up with my meditation clients, but thats another story. I struggle to talk about …clutter! Why? Not just because I’m a minimalist who can’t stand disorganisation, but because it’s one of the most personal subjects in my mind, and therefore the room for disagreement or insult is vast.
Clutter is not just someone else’s physical stuff, it’s emotional and mental clutter (/ baggage). Even the physical stuff comes with energetic baggage - the associations and memories, and unseen energetic imprints of a life-lived in this very possession-heavy society. Other people’s clutter deserves a high level of sensitivity. Sensitivity and my straight-talking Northern Irish side don’t always align, but I am learning to tread lightly.
I am however very sensitively tuned into the energetic links between our meshed world of physical and emotional existence, and our inner and outer worlds.
In the same way as we hide physical clutter in the attic or cellar, people’s mental clutter from unresolved emotional issues and past experiences can be hidden away, but not properly managed, in their emotional attic. This mental baggage has likely been temporarily stored, forgotten about at times to later become an inconvenience, or maybe even building into a major hazard.
A person’s mental and emotional clutter has so many implications, and it’s our responsibility as good humans to manage our own emotional space and the impact on those who have to live or work with it. In fact, mental baggage is an opportunity to learn, and through learning we grow, and through growth become stronger, and that new type of strength offers us the resilience we need to navigate anything.
This accumulation of emotional clutter can gradually turn into heavy mental baggage, weighing us down and hindering our overall well-being. Identifying, addressing and clearing mental clutter is crucial for achieving a sense of mental clarity and positive emotional health - the key to healthy balanced relationships. In this article, let’s explore common examples of emotional clutter that often become people's mental baggage, and discuss strategies to effectively manage and declutter the mind.
Negative Self-Talk:
One prevalent example of mental clutter is negative self-talk. Constantly berating ourselves, doubting our abilities, or engaging in self-criticism creates a heavy burden on the mind, and has massive implications on our loved ones and other relationships. It is often also the side effect of childhood criticism - so many people grow up with negative parents or carers who were very hard on them. In fact, the system in general can be very hard on us. This negative internal dialogue often leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and diminished motivation, not to mention unhealthy habits and addictions.
To combat this, we must begin to establish a sense of the true self (through meditation, journalling, art therapy, eg), and honour that inner being with healthy, supportive dialogue. The type of healthy self-talk we were perhaps not taught by our parents, and certainly not within our school system.
Practicing Buddhist self-compassion meditations or guided heart mediation, positive affirmations, and reframing negative thoughts helps replace self-doubt with self-acceptance and confidence. CBT is a great, practical, type of therapy to overcome negative internal dialogue, and the practice of CBT gives the mind proof-points whilst building healthy new neural pathways.
Our strengths are one of the main ways we tap into our authenticity, so if we’re undermining ourselves with negative self-talk or undermining our value, we are blocking the power which comes from unleashing the true, authentic self.
Regrets and Past Mistakes:
Frequently dwelling on past regrets or mistakes is another form of mental clutter that can accumulate over time. Holding onto these negative experiences prevents us from moving forward and embracing the present. Accepting that everyone makes mistakes and focusing on personal growth and learning opportunities aids in releasing and clearing this mental baggage.
Practicing forgiveness, both towards ourselves and others, allows us to let go of the weight from the past and create space for a brighter future. Lack of forgiveness is very much like anger. There is a saying that Anger is like drinking poison and expecting another person to die. Well, forgiveness in that case is the medicine .
Buddhist mediation practices such as Loving kindness meditations and forgiveness practices are a very powerful way to peacefully take control of personal regrets. I started out my meditation journey in the Buddhist church - their courses are open to everyone.
Unrealistic Expectations or Feelings of Lack :
Exaggerated by social media and a society focused on ego-based standards of ‘success’. Setting excessively high expectations for ourselves in various areas of life can lead to chronic stress and dissatisfaction. Getting a grip on perspective often sits at the heart of this.
Whether it's multi-tasking work and home, or professional accomplishments, physical appearance, relationships - unrealistic, perfectionistic expectations can result in feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. Adjusting our expectations to be more realistic in terms of what will bring us true, lasting happiness over a temporary happiness hit or a high. Embracing the concept of progress over perfection helps reduce mental clutter to do with unhealthy mindset that we will be happy when we have x/y/z in our lives. Being happy involves finding peace in the present whilst striving towards healthy goals.
Something I love to work with my mediations clients on in this area is: Learning to identify your own set of unique and meaningful standards in your authentic life. It’s your life after all, not other peoples.
Celebrating achievements and practicing gratitude for what we have is often the first step in foster a more positive and fulfilling mindset, and setting realistic expectations that will bring you real and lasting happiness.
4. Overcommitment and Lack of Boundaries:
Boundaries, I can’t emphasise them enough. When was the last time you just said, ‘No’ because your precious time, which you had lovingly scheduled for your own self development, was coming first instead of other people? Difficult when you have a good heart and want others to be happy too, however maintaining a good heart means learning how to put your own heart first.
Lack of healthy boundaries has significant impact on our mental well-being, leading to a cluttered mind in which the emotional space needed for ourselves gets taken up by others needs and wants. We fragment into a lesser version of ourselves versus the healthy whole, holistic human we are capable of being.
When we fail to establish healthy limits, whether in relationships, work, or personal time, we become susceptible to overwhelming stress and anxiety. Without clear boundaries, we find ourselves constantly juggling commitments, dealing with incessant distractions, and feeling emotionally drained. By acknowledging the importance of boundaries and learning to establish them, we create the space needed to nurture our mental health, cultivate meaningful connections, and find inner peace in our daily lives. Prioritising boundaries is a crucial step towards decluttering our minds and achieving holistic wellness.
Digital Overload and Information Overload:
In today's hyperconnected automated world, excessive exposure to digital devices and an overwhelming amount of information can clutter our minds without us even realising.
Doomscrolling as its now known in the ad industry! Compulsive checking of notifications, and constant news articles can lead to mental fatigue, reduced focus and added worry about life.
Establishing screen-free time, practicing mindfulness, and setting limits on digital media consumption can help reduce this mental clutter. Engaging in activities like reading a book, hobbies, or spending time in nature provide much-needed mental reset. Remember how we all survived before the internet? When people spoke to each other in public places and you meet interesting people by creating conversation…eye contact even!?
Becoming aware of the impact of your social media or traditional media consumption is a good start. By understanding what you are feeling from the ingestion of media info is pivotal in moving yourself in a healthier direction. Modern media has mastered how to control and manipulate people through emotions such as fear, envy, excitement, intrigue. Stop and have a think about what is pulling you in each time and keeping your there. Start making healthy swaps, edits and changes and take control of your digital consumption.
Remember, decluttering the mind is an ongoing process that requires patience and self-compassion. Embrace the journey towards mental clarity, and enjoy the positive impact it brings to your overall wellness.
